Slllllllllllllllleeeepy

Current state of household: Sleeeeepy! Luke walks around rubbing his eyes, Bennett falls asleep as soon as some one picks him up and I could sleep standing up! Kurt probably hides under his desk at work (like George on Seinfeld) to take naps!

Luke started his first day of EEU preschool on Monday. The bus comes at 7:20 so he is quite upset about being woken up in the morning until he spots the bright yellow bus waiting outside. Yesterday Luke literally jumped up and down and giggled as we walked to the bus in the morning. It was so cute! He was clearly excited to be back on his bus, school, bus schedule! His ride home today apparently was a bit less exciting because he was totally zonked out, head to chest asleep when they came home. Poor guy! No report yet from the teacher on how he is doing but I assume all is fine. I will be going in next week to watch him for a few hours. Next week we also start the 3 extra hours of one-on-one Monday, Wednesday and Fridays.

Luke seems to be doing 'ok' with Bennett for the most part. He does seem to get a bit jealous though (which, honestly is a good sign I think). Bennett wanted to be held tonight and Luke seemed to want his turn! He got sad whenever I had Bennett in my arms and didn't want to go to sleep even though he was rubbing his eyes constantly. We have been battling with Luke and sleep a lot in the past few weeks. Although tired he does not want to go to his crib and ends up quite upset and cries himself to sleep. It is terribly sad! We are trying melatonin, suggested by an autism doctor, and it does seem to at least reduce the duration of crying. Hopefully once he gets into more of a schedule with school and sleep the crying jags will disappear.

Bennett has been more aware in this past week, awake for several hours at a time now. We even had 1 night of 5 hours of sleep which seemed luxurious! We went to a infant physical therapist for his shoulder and she said it was almost 100%. We have a few stretches we can do with him but for the most part she said it looked great.

I admit to being scared on a regular basis about Bennett having autism and focus too much on his eye contact (or lack of it sometimes) and wish every day for a smile. I wish I could just turn the worry off but I do not think that is possible. I sometimes feel a pit in my stomach ready to burst into tears with worry and frustration. When I don't have that 'pit' feeling, I am less worried, happy and enjoy the baby time more. I am reminded of summer camp when I was in 5th - 6th (I think) grade. Growing up I had a big issue with spending the night away from home (even just 1 night!). More often than not it seems I would get homesick and want my parents to come pick me up. Of course I find this quite ironic now since I went away to college and never moved back to Dallas. Anyway, camp, 5th grade, Sky Ranch. I went for 1 week and cried contantly wanting to come home. I remember so clearly that when I didn't have the stomach 'pit' burst into tears feeling I actually had so much fun. The ups and downs now remind me of the ups and downs from that summer camp trip. It's funny what memories we conjure up from our past!